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How to write a love letter to your ex girlfriend

November 25, 2014

The natural reaction after a break up is to want your ex back. That’s even before you have weighed the pros and cons of the relationship and examine closely the reasons behind the rift. And the only thing you can think of is that you desperately need him back – if only because his absence has left this huge hole in your life you have no idea of filling up.

Do you truly want him back? As much as I would like for you to get to the heart of the answer to that the very minute you feel like you want him back, it’s human nature to give in to knee-jerk reactions – and the knee jerk reaction in this case is to put off that question for later and just want him back right now.

So let’s try to address that. As you may notice from the discussion above, the whole getting-your-ex-back scheme is just that – a scheme. Not a mere idea, not a fancy, not something you can pull off from a magician’s hat. It needs a plan, and you need to strategize. And because it is a plan, it can be a prolonged and careful process that needs copious amounts of patience. But one secret I can spill for you is also the one thing that you can do to get your plan on track and that is to write that Magic Second Chance Letter.

Second chances. That’s exactly what you want right now, correct? A second chance to win back the love of your ex. Or maybe a second chance at trying to get him back after you have committed desperate acts of reconciliation that only succeeded in pushing him farther away. And yes, a letter can help you with that.

So what’s so magical about a letter? What makes it any different from an email, a text message, or a phone call that it should be more effective than any of those? The key is in the style and content of the letter you write – and these can be very specific.

The first crucial step is to write the letter in your own hand. Yes, you’re doing something old school, traditional, and – for some – a bit corny. But it is precisely for those reasons that your letter will get read when nothing else has been. Email? It either gets lost in the sea of emails, or it goes straight to the Trash folder. Text message? Automatic delete (that’s assuming he still retained his old number – and hello, stalker?!). Even a personal typed letter will be ignored.

But a good old fashioned hand-written epistle? That will surely grab his attention, if only because it so rouses his curiosity that he can’t resist. And make sure to keep it short and true to form, which is our next crucial step.

Now, before I go into that, let me impress on you the importance of keeping it short. I know it piqued your interest when I said that a hand-written letter can get him to pay attention and the temptation to spill everything you want to say can be overwhelming. Don’t. Just don’t. Or your letter goes straight to the dump.

So second step: content. There are three major contents to the body of your letter: (1) acceptance; (2) apology; (3) anticipation. Keep in mind that as you write this letter, you want your ex to get the impression that you are fine. Yes, you are alright – you are alright in health, in your state of mind, in the state of your personal affairs, and that you are alright with the break up.

1. Acceptance.

The first part of your letter should say that you have accepted the break-up. You have to demonstrate that you are now calm and collected and have resigned yourself to the fact that yes, you and your ex are going your separate ways. This is important because it tells him that you are no longer in that desperate frame of mind and that you are not angry (especially crucial if the break up resulted from a very heated fight, which is how most break-ups come about).



 I just wanted to drop you a note to say I’ve come to terms with your decision to split. I know I didn’t seem to before, but now I’ve realized it may be for our own good and so I’m fine with it…” 

2. Apology.

Apologize for small infractions and put aside for now apologies for the bigger mistakes. Say for example your ex found out that you have been cheating on him – this letter is not the right venue for bringing that up. Instead, apologize for flaring up during your last argument.

Example (continuing our above letter):

“…I’m sorry for blowing my top during our last conversation. I know you were hurt and I made it worse by saying all those mean things – and I have regretted it ever since…”

3. Anticipation.

And lastly, you want to leave him with a feeling of cheerful anticipation that would pique his interest. You want to start erasing the gloomy memories he has of you and replace it with something a little bit happier. Were you working on some project before the break up? That might be a good start but don’t spill the beans just yet – you want him curious, remember? So say something vague and keep it real short. It doesn’t even have to be something grand and can be as simple as bumping into an old friend.

Example (continuing our above letter):

“…On a different note, good fortune has lend some balanced into my life – the project I started before is looking up and I know you were interested in that. I’d like to fill you in…but another time, of course. You and I both need our space right now. – Elena”

This is your mindset, your attitude as you re-open the communication lines between you and your ex – “I’m not wallowing in self-pity, I’m not desperate. I’m doing pretty good”. You may need to work on that attitude – as part of your overall strategy – but that’s what you need to project on your letter and to your ex if you don’t want to scare him off with needy, clingy tactics.

Now, why is this Magic Second Chance Letter so effective? It has the right amount of curiosity and intrigue – a sprinkling of each – that will make him start thinking of you again in a different, and much better, light. And because you’re accepting of the break-up, respectful of his space, and not so within his reach anymore – it makes his mind free to miss you again. But, again, this is merely an opening act and you can’t expect everything to fall into place after getting him to read that letter. What happens next will be decided by how you follow through.

About T W Jackson

T W Jackson is the author of Magic of Making Up and he has helped over 15,000 couples in over 57 countries get back together. To know more about T W Jackson, visit his website below.



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